14:42
For start, it is important to know that you
should never say the following:
Think Positively (Only Apllies if She Practices
Meditation)
From all the phrases this is the worst. From the
person that goes through a difficult period we expect to smile like she’s
forced to in a specifically artificial way even when she’s not up to it, and
she certainly thinks it’s bad to be sad when she actually needs to be sad. Tell
your friend that it’s okay to cry by letting the pain out, and it’s the utmost
important to listen to her emotions, and to laugh when she’s happy and to cry
when she is sad.
I Know What You go Through
Only if that someone is your siamese twin, only
then you can say that you know what she goes through. Never tell anyone that
you don’t know what she goes through. The best thing to do is to tell your
friend, “yes, I understand” by offering her a cup of tea or coffee (tea is best
because it calms the brain – the opposite of coffee). The person who has a
problem, all she want is someone to listen to her without telling her what to
do and all the preaching stuff, especially if you are not an expert in that
field, and especially if you give her the wrong advice.
Everything Will Be Fine
While it sounds encouraging, these words actually
are not what they are. By saying that, you just don’t know if that thing you
are encouraging her for will be ok or not. You can’t know 100% whether
someone’s partner or marriage partner will return from after leaving before or
running away for good even if you help them secretly to get back, or something
like solving a health problem, or at last, that she can get out of the
financial crisis,… Whatever you do, just don’t rush and let the time decide.
Don’t ever use the words like “you don’t have a
salary, but you will get it,…” just so you can get rid of her problem because
those are all just “shallow words”, they don’t solve the problem – only prolong
it.
It is always wise and better to be silent,
remember, always. Do not use shallow phrases such as “only the best die young”,
“time heals”, “you’re not the first nor the last”, “do not worry”, …
On the Other Hand, Here’s What You Can Do:
- Ask: Is there anything that I could make so it
would ease the current situation? Or, for example, give your friend the
acknowledge that you’re here whenever you need to be (and actually obey those
words and not just saying them) .
- Never force your friend to see her in those bad
moments. Give her the time to settle on her own so that she will invite you
(normally, this does not apply if you are afraid for their safety).
- Listen to what your friends say – they do not
need your advice but your compassion.
- If you still have the need to say something
encouraging, rather than just to say something like “everything will be okay”,
better say it with a reliable and determined voice meaning that you are besides
them 100% where together you will overcome this problem.
ADVICE: If you are the person who has these
problems, be careful to whom you open your problems. It must be an old friend
where many times she has proven herself that she is ready to be for you at all
times or a family member or a similar member that will always stand behind you
in any problem or situation. Also, remember that there are friends who are
happy the more problems you have and suffer, where you give them joy because
you are helpless and where they are currently in a better advantage in life
than you (financial, work, partner,…). What this means is that actually they
are not your friends at all, and often they do not know how to listen to your
problems, where they give you cheap advices and by doing nothing about you
except that they just simply fill or waste the time by enjoying in your
problems. On the other hand, if you consult someone who also has a problem or a
similar situation – you should also be very careful because the easiest way to
manipulate is the injured and broke people in all levels, and consider this
well, so the next time on your next meeting you will give her the needed
support and tell her that you’re always here for her if possible. And if the
problem is of a financial nature, you must certainly help her because patting
your shoulder is not a solution and is only for crying. One of the most
magnificent human qualities is to help someone, and not only close friends, but
everyone you can, meaning doing it in a true and honest way without conditions
and only with love says your one and only Dule Vilar.
